here's my two cents on relationships.
Believe me, I’m no relationship guru, or some counselor,
but occasionally I like to think I have a brain that I should try to make useful for other things besides what they feed me in school.
For some reason this really took me 19 years and 11 months and 20 something days to figure out.
in fact, i was lying bed trying to take a nap thinking and then i decided to jump out of bed and write this.
Let me be frank. and this is going to be hard for me. i feel like i'm opening a portion of my heart to unknown readers--but, i hope you'll gain something from it.
i have had one and only one, of the shortest relationships known to man. it was probably the equivalent of a middle school juvenile relationship. sad, i know. but i like to think i learned much from it. maybe not about the in's and out's of dating, but more about myself.
its been a month since we've broke up. i honestly wanted to be mad at him, i thought that would make it ease the pain on my end. but i couldn't. i wanted to say to myself, "i could find someone better," but to be truthful, he was a really great guy, so that wouldn't have been right either.
its been hard. really hard actually. friends and loved ones shower you with support for the first week, then forget about it, while you still suffer, but thats okay, thats how it goes with anything--death, accident, surgery, weddings, births, etc. we are pretty self-absorbed. as am I.
but while i laid there, with my mind doing nothing but thinking of all the fun i had with this guy, all of our inspiring conversations, all of our inside jokes, all of the--everything, I began thinking to myself, why don't i just date someone else--to fill that void, that pain, that enticing.
then, i just could have slammed my head against the wall. no wonder i shouldn't be dating anyone. (besides the fact i'm going on a mission)
I really only wanted to date someone for selfish reasons.
Someone to like me, someone to pay attention to me, someone to care for me, someone to need me, someone to give me a hand to hold, or someone to give me a hug.
So i'll lock my heart during my mission, but when i get back, i hope and want that when i go to date someone it'll be to serve them, show them love, appreciate them, be kind to them, help them. that is truly something special. And if we don't, nothing will work out if everything is going to be for me.
i guess thats one thing a relationship taught me.
Such good insight----some hard things can open our eyes to something we never would have thought about unless we went through it!
ReplyDeleteThis is really inspiring Emily. For someone who's never had a boyfriend (no, not even a middle school juvenile relationship. ha, I'm majorly slacking in that area of my life). Anyways, back to the point. I think this is possibly the single most important thing you can learn from a relationship, the idea that it's not all about you. You're definitely not the only one who feels this way, I too sometimes wish I had someone who cared for me but this made me realize that it isn't just about me! It's about them too.
ReplyDeleteOk, my long rant is over. I just thought I'd tell you that I agree and think you are a very insightful person. :)
I love you, Emily.
ReplyDeletegreat insight...but I would like to add, you're not alone in feeling like you want to someone to "like you, pay attention to you.." etc. We all crave that. And I think it's okay to expect that in a relationship. For if you give and give and nothing is reciprocated, then eventually that relationship will die. But I think you're right on, it's about getting outside yourself. And someone will come along that will lay in his bed and think and reminisce and daydream about you, too. :)
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