Friday, November 7, 2014

for a night like tonight

i'm back. sometimes i take those week long hiatuses. school does that to me.

i have nothing world changing to say. only that, i ate carrots for lunch, meaning i felt justified to eat cookie dough for dinner. its 7pm on a friday night. and i'm home alone. usually, i am not in this situation. i'm actually basking in the fact that i can be here by myself. alone. because there is a difference. i am not lonely. i am just alone. and i like that. however, i really hate the opposite.

i'm deciding on how productive i want to be. after studying spending nearly 10 hours on campus my motivation is slippppping away. hah, just like i am blogging instead of working on that assignment due tonight.

but then i remember that guilt that sinks into my heart when i don't do what i am suppose to do.
my thoughts aren't in a cohesive pattern tonight. i can't find the connection between all of them. it would be convenient if they followed along a 400 meter track lane, but instead it the ball is flying back and forth just like in a pin ball machine.

what will my children think of me when they read this? i'm sure how incompetent there mother really lets face it, i'm never going to be perfect. they will read how i had weird eating habits or broke too many phones, or made too many mistakes, but i hope when they read "me," (this blog), they will know that all the solutions i have in life, are from the gospel of Jesus Christ.

i just want to be like Him. When the seas and storms were raging, He was found sleeping on the boat, by His apostles. I want to not allow the external storms of life enter my heart and become internal storms. I want to be able to be more still in life. be more calm. be more at peace. "Peace, be still."

until then. i'm still rowing, preparing for all of life's storm, knowing God still watches over me. 

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Maira Gall