Friday, October 24, 2014

who not to cook : emily edition

I'm an anti-hispterist, but a peanut better and chocolate enthusiast. I a university student, a longing 22 year old, and Oregonian. I'm Emily, and I can't cook.

i already know i should be on the What not to Wear show. heck, we all knew that by the time i was 13-months, and my mom would find me in the garage, the bathroom, or any part of the house, changing my clothes, for the seventh time that day.

i reached an all time low today in my attempts to make a hearty lunch. i still delight in my lunch-time. it makes me feel like i am in Argentina again--the most important meal of the day. and so i cooked some chicken--following the step by steps directions my sister recited for me over the phone.
we should all just over look the fact that she had to remind me to microwave them if they were frozen, when i was frustrated that they weren't cutting very easily.

where was I.....oh yeah, all the reasons I should be on the non-existent-show: Who Not to Cook.
. I can't even make Minute Rice. Tell me whats more worse than that? if you would've ate lunch with me today you would've thought to ask, "Emily didn't you use you bone-less chicken?" to which i would've responded yes. Then you would've been confused as i was (who cooked) as to why everything was so crunchy. was the rice. not chicken bones.
. My mouth is literally 450 degrees because of too much pepper.
. A normal meal to me is chicken and rice. and nothing else.
. I've YouTubed "how to sautee onions" ... more than once.
. My extent of my spice-usagae is only Salt and Pepper.
. The one time, emphasis on one, my mom asked me to make dinner, i burnt the pizzas.
. I usually find recipes to be a minor technicality and unnecessary.
. My friend-boy refuses to eat my food. then you know its reallll bad.
. When I see food items in recipes that I've never heard of or don't have, I just tell myself, "you can't believe everything you read." and move along.

i just wish domesticity was a present you could give at christmas time...because thats the only thing i would request.

1 comment

  1. Hilarious!!!

    When you come for Christmas we need to spend some serious time in the kitchen on cooking lessons. :)

    love you!

    PS you make super CCC’s!


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