Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I had every intention...

 Let the record show that I had every intention to make  a fabulous homecooked meal tonight for dinner.Truly. When your mother is the champion nurterer, where every homecooked meal tastes delicious...you begin to miss her the minute she leaves. I am evidence of that.
So my intentions for tonight to be a great homecooked meal were just a bit too much.

Let me tell you of tonights series of events.
I got caught up in practicing the piano too long, before I realized I needed to go babysitting and dad had  a church meeting. Problem #1, already behind schedule before I even started.
Problem #2, what in the heck was I going to make. Keep in mind, we have a very limited supply of food since, when you are being self-reliant for the first time, you realize all the things you SHOULD HAVE bought at the store instead of the two packages of Klondikes and brownie mix, (not like I'm speaking from previous experience or anything). Problem #3, even if I did have an idea of what I was going to make, I most likely wouldn't know where to begin. (i hope you are seeing my dilema here!)

I decided to throw any rules or lessons I had learned on cooking out the window and just began pulling things out of the freezer and fridge until SOMETHING could be edible. I warmed up the stove, placed a skillet straight on with some boneless chicken breasts on the skillet (with no oil or water). bad idea. I might have lost a few brain cells in the process as I inhaled all that smoke. Than, I grabbed some potatoes, scrubbed them, peeled them and warmed them in the microwave. Why didn't anyone tell me that they would just get harder instead of softer. I kept warming it up, over and over again with no success. Than in my deperateness, I did what any wise, normal girl would do. Call my mother. "Mom, how the heck do I warm up potatoes!?" (yeah, i know, its pretty much as bad as asking your mom had to boil water. Yes, you can mock me for it later.) She told me to just cut up the potatoes and save for tomorrow. Great. Than I realized we had crescent rolls in the fridge. Popped those out and baked them in the oven (probably the only successful edible food we ate---of course, it would be prepackaged, no wonder it tasted better than anything i made).

So I screwed the skillet attempt, and plopped those pieces of animal on the george forman. In the mean time, I thought it would be valuable time to do the dishes from....who knows when, and clean up what used to be the table. If you walked in, you wouldn't really be able to tell it was with all the papers and junk piled on top.
Than I remembered that we needed more food than JUST rolls and chicken. I ripped---and literally---ripped the frozen pea bag open, so much that half of them went all over the stove rolling around. I furiously tried to gather them up all up with my hands--only to have forgotten that the stove was still heated from that stupid skillet attempt. Yes, this is where you shake your head and laugh at my stupidity.

Than I began cleaning again, only to have forgotten about the chicken--so that was more than cooked. I placed chicken and peas on plates and realized they looked alittle bear. So I pulled out spinach and lettuce. Sure enough, between the few meals dad and I have made, we have forgotten to use the lettuce, so that was going bad. Than, I decided to peel some oranges. And in the process managed to spray orange juice ALL over my new shirt, and getting THIS close to slicing my hand half open with the knife.

At this point, I just began laughing. Seriously. I could barely manage to do any of this, yet my mother has done it everyday for 36 years with out fail....and frankly, more gracefully as well.

And as I ate my dinner  I realized I had every intention to clean the house today too. Or change the load of towels that have been sitting in the dryer....since, oh, Monday morning.

Yes. This is the glamorous life I lead.
No. I will never be as good as my mother,
but hopefully I can say I always had good intentions.
Because lets face it, there really is no hope for me. :)


  1. So glad you recorded this! Well your cooking skills can only getter better, right? Seriously, though, don't give up!! It takes years of practice to even somewhat resemble what mom has done over the past 36 years. And for the record I too have done everything that you mentioned in your post at one time or another...but all at one time?? Well, you take the cake for that one! :) I love you, Emily!

  2. ha ha ha!! I loved this! I agree with Ondalynn, you can only get better! I wish I could be a fly on the wall when you are in college and cooking dinner.....you crack me up

  3. emily, if its been since monday, wash the towels again. you'll amaze yourself one day when u whip out gourmet meals without thinking about it.

  4. Oh darling! You are so funny! Were you running late to babysit for me? I always make extra to feed you on Tuesday nights, in case you mommy is gone and I don't think you have ever eaten it!

    Your sisters are right though, You will get better at all this stuff. I've done all that kind of stuff too! I've had some complete disasters! Just keep pracitcing, and give yourself some credit! I too am glad you recorded this.


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Maira Gall